


is it finally time?

by weavirtue



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Childhood Friends, Childhood to Adulthood, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Implied Relationships, Letters, Mutual Pining, One-Sided Relationship, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Platonic Relationships, Pre-Relationship, Relationship(s), Therapy, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, mention of Ryan, mention of fedor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-05-15 12:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14790345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weavirtue/pseuds/weavirtue
Summary: Back in 2015, right after announcing their come back. Tessa and Scott started to work with the B2ten team, they got an assignment to better their communication. They had to write letters to one another about their feelings, since the very first day. Now, after the olympics, it is time to give those letters and read them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Tessa, if you happen to find this, you can read chapter 1 to 3, but please, please abort chapter 4.

“We’ve been working for over a year together, and I think — know the complexity of your relationship and I know skating is your #1 thing, now. But you can’t go and give 100% of yourself to skating if there is untold feeling between the two of you. You next assignment is to write a letter to the other, but you will only give it and read it once you are done with competing.” These words, their psychologist words were swimming in Tessa’s mind and she knew he was right and they needed to get this out of their system, but how was she supposed to use words to describe what she felt for Scott. It was going to be very long, and very complex.

 

Tessa had decided to take a Sunday to write her letter. Scott was to not disturb her at all, and only come if she reached out for him first. She took her time, getting into the right mind set, choosing to listen to soothing music and getting comfortable on her couch, choosing the type her letter first and then handwrite it once she was done. She would not normally do that, but she was not crazy enough to go out there and write what was going to be the longest letter she had ever written from scratch on her letter paper.

 

 

> **LONDON,  
>  ** **_OCTOBER, 2015_ **
> 
> _Scott,_
> 
> _We’ve known each other for over 10 years now. As you know, I don’t remember my life without you. It says a lot about the person that you are for me, a lot of words I’ll have to use to describe what you are to me. We often, don’t know how to describe our friendship, relationship, partnership. So how am I supposed to write you a letter ab out my feelings? Feelings are not my friends, they are yours. You will slay this assignment and I’ll suck at it but I will do my best to deliver a letter that you will enjoy reading, and that will most importantly reflect what you mean to me._
> 
> _Let’s start at the beginning of Virtue and Moir. We got paired together, not even after 10 minutes of skating together. I’m sure your aunt had already signed us up for the upcoming season. She was that sure of us, but she had no idea that she had linked my life to yours, forever. Because that’s what it is, you are my forever Scott. I remember the first I saw you. You were at the rink, with your brother and you watched him ice dance with his partner, frowning — exactly like you do now, when you are frustrated because someone told you no. You were leaning against the board, arms crossed over your chest, doing that thing with your skate, you know the back and forth thing? I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. You were already so passionate about the sport, but tried to act as if you didn’t care because you wanted to play Hockey. I remember seeing you from the corner of my eye when I was talking with Aunt Carol about trying out figure skating. You were all alone on the ice, spinning and jumping around, practicing steps that were was meant for two._
> 
> _I asked her what you were doing, and who you were. Carol told me you were her nephew and that you were practicing a waltz, and it was Ice dance. She must have seen something in my eyes, because the next thing she said was “Miss Virtue, I would like for your daughter to try-out ice dance with Scott.” I can’t believe, this day, was gonna change my life. A try-out date was organised and all i could do was count the day until i would see you again. When the day finally came, Jordan was teasing me so much I had stopped talking to her. Mom drove me to the rink after school and I was so excited and so nervous at the same time. We arrived at the rink and I stopped Mom for getting out and asked her a bunch of question about how i should behave around you and laughed, can you believe her? she laughed and told me that I wasn’t about to get married. Sure, I wasn’t about to get married, but I was surely about to get tied down to someone else for the next 20 years._
> 
> _I don’t think they realised what they did by pairing us together, they didn’t realised we would stick together for as long as we have and they surely didn’t expect me to fall in love with you at the age of 14._
> 
> _We walked into the rink, I dropped on the bench and laced my skates. As soon as I was ready, i was stepping on the ice, strolling along the board, warming up slowly. Carol always made us skate laps for at least 15 minutes before every practice, so I was sure I was something good. I was a mess, I didn’t know what to tell you, or how to start a conversation. I was already really bad with boy, and even more with friends. Introvert Tessa at her best. I recall the moment you entered the ice. My entire body froze and I was speechless, you were so elegant, so pretty skating towards me and I couldn’t think of a thing to say. Carol joined me, and you arrived not too long after her. You reached out with your hand and I shook it with mine, smiling shyly at you, telling you my name so quietly I’m sure you didn’t understand me, but you pretended that you did. Carol asked us to do laps, holding hands. You were so confident on the ice, looking like you owned it and anyone who was lucky was lucky enough to watch Scott Moir skate. I felt like I was the luckiest one, being I was the one holding your hand. My cheeks were a deep red colour, hands sweating inside my mitten and I tried to keep up with you, and I was doing fine, until you winked at me. I remember losing it, and you caught the change in my body, and adjusted yours accordingly to what I needed to stay up. At the end of practice, Carol was announcing that we had to skate together, because we were to good not to. I wasn’t really sure what she was talking about because all we did were skate around the rink, and goof silently around. I didn’t say a word, you didn’t either — shyness or simply respecting my introvert nature. You would simply squeeze my hand gently, if you wanted to change position or rhythm._
> 
> _You actually made me feel like I mattered, and it was the best feeling. We didn’t know each other, had no expectation about the other, but we still chose to skate together and make it work. You would always reach for my hand first, greeting me while we were skating because you realised I was more confident while skating than not, so you would keep quiet until we had skated at least too laps and then you would simply whisper a simple “Hi Tess” and it would make my day, and I would simply respond with a smile or sometime a Hello._
> 
> _The more we skated together, and the more I liked you. You were nicer and funnier than my brother, and more attentive than my sister. You were the perfect person for me, still are. You asked me to be your girlfriend not long after we started training together, and I know it was dare, but I never ever been more happier than when you would hold my hand outside of the rink. We didn’t talk, but we didn’t need to. People all around us were laughing at us, because we would only hold hands and smile at each other, but they didn’t realise how deep our bond was already. You broke up with me, 8 months later, and that is the first time you broke my heart. You said it was because of the skating, but I know it was because I was only 8 and you were 10, and you wanted to go see more than just baby Tessa._
> 
> _I was so in love with you by the time we won our first competition, but the thrill we would get by winning was more important. And, I knew that I would rather have you in any capacity I could than risk anything by telling you how I felt and lose you. Skating was our first priority, and it still is. I just hope it will change soon, and all the energy you put into skating, will be put into me, us. Jordan, knew all along how I felt about you, and when we moved to Canton to train with Marina, she would always tell me to be careful because it would only be the two of us, in a city we didn’t know. I would only have you to rely on, and I had to be careful how to thread all that mix of feelings, but more importantly she told me to protect myself. As the perfect, little Tessa, I did, and I pushed my feelings so deep into the box that was named “SCOTT” that I had forgotten about them. Well not really forgot, but more like it was so natural that it wasn’t so hard anymore to focus on skating._
> 
> _We would skate, win, skate some more, enjoy life by ourselves and be together. You keep saying that your first kiss is with me when we were at the carnival, but you keep forgetting that mine is you. We were in my host family house, in my room, just the two of us. We were laying in my bed as we have done multiple time before. My head was on your chest, and your fingers in my hair and I had wanted to kiss you for the better part of my life, and I just grabbed my courage with two hands, pushed myself up and pressed my lips to yours. I was certain you would threw myself off of you and start yelling, never in a million years I thought you would kiss me back, and what a kiss it was. Our body were already so used to each other, it was only logical that our mouths and tongues knew how to work together as well. You broke the kiss and smiled at me, caressing my cheek and pressing another kiss to ma forehead and just like that I had had my first kiss, with my best friend, and I knew that I would never ever regret it._
> 
> _You started dating Jessica soon after our first kiss, and I was okay with it for a while. It wasn’t bad, she was nice, and I actually liked her. You were still being my best friend, and you would still hang out with me. Canton was hard, because it was a new city, a new school, new coaches, new everything, but it was still the two of us. We were okay and that’s all I cared about._
> 
> _Without thinking I just went with the programs, interview press conference, tour. I was not myself. I was just the shadow of the Tessa you were supposed to know. We took some time off, to get some well earned rest and then it was time to get back on the ice for Stars on Ice. During one of our routine, I felt a throbbing pain in my shins, making me crumble if you hadn’t been here to catch me. Scared, terrified about this, I looked at you and you squeezed me, holding half of my weight for me. We finished the program and carried me out of the ice and into the changing room. I had told you that my shins were hurting occasionally before, but never at this expense. I remember sitting down, trying to take my skates off. I remember the pain in my shins going around to my calves, you sitting next to me playing with the hair at the nape of my hair and then suddenly I was sitting on your laps, my face pressed to your neck. I remember being in your arms, trying to calm myself down while your worked my skates off._
> 
> _I also remember the way you carried me away from the rink, skipped the meet and greets and drove us to our hotel. You stayed with me, holding me against you. It was the first time you shared my hotel room with me in forever, we laid there, ice on my shins, head on your chest. I was scared about failing you, failing us because of my health but I knew I was safe right where I was. It became our new normal. We would warm up together, you would press ice to my shins during the afternoon, we would skate and then you would take me to you room, or mine and take care of me. I never once saw you called Jessica, or text her. You were with me. I remember thinking that if I had to endure this pain to get you with me I would._
> 
> _do you remember, Stars on Ice, Vancouver 2010? Do you remember this night? The night that destroyed us?We had decided to join the gang for some drink, finally allowed to drink legally in BC. I drank, not even a lot but with the meds I was on because of the pain, I got wasted pretty fast. You took care of me, as always. Took me to our hotel, to my room and you lied down with me and then we talked and talked until i was sober enough for you to let me sleep. You were so scared for me. You were pacing back and forth in from of my bed while I was under the cover looking at you. I don’t think you realise what you do to me, Scott. All of your t-shirts tight around your arms, stretched on your chest. I remember the shivers going down my spine the moment our eyes locked, the way your tongue licked your bottom lips and the way you almost walked to me before you stopped yourself. I mentioned for you to come over and you did. We kissed and it was everything I remember but more, so much more. We kissed, and kissed, until my hands were pushing your t-shirt above your head and you asked me if I was sure. I simply nod and you made me forget, forget about everything. It was just you and me, us, in our bubble._
> 
> _I know now, that it was a mistake. A mistake that I can’t bring myself to regret, but a mistake nonetheless. It broke us. I made you into a cheater and I made myself into a couple breaker. The world think we stopped talking because of the surgery and maybe it didn’t help, but it was not that. We stopped talking because you had to save your relationship with Jessica, and I let you do it. You chose her over me, and I chose Me over you._
> 
> _My mom drove me to the hospital, and I still hoped you would show up, just because we went through everything together but I should have known you would not care enough to do it. The worst in this situation? I would have cared enough, too much, and come for you, no matter the status of our relationship, I would have been there, right next to you. I would have helped you go through surgery, recovery and skating again but you did not. You left me. I learnt later on that you refused to skate with anyone but me. You trained with sand sack, and broom but you didn’t care enough to call or come and visit. I needed to have my life, a life where Scott Moir weren’t the centre of my life._
> 
> _I started dating Fedor, because you were still with Jessica and I couldn’t handle being alone after what happened during my recovery. I needed to lose myself in a relationship, and I know now, that Fedor was the worst choice, but he was the easiest to make. He understood how important skating was for me, and he knew not to bother me when I was on the ice or with you. He took good care of me, even if he was kind of brutal sometimes. I don’t regret dating him, I regret the reasons why I did it. You were living your happily ever after and I needed to get away, and find this for myself.It worked for a little while, until I started to compare my relationship with Fedor, to ours. How he made me feel, how happy (unhappy) I was, how he didn’t know myself, how we didn’t have inside jokes and I started to hate it, and slowly my hatred turned towards him. I broke it off, right before started to seriously trained for the Olympics, and this time we wouldn’t be rejected like in 2006. We would not let this happen._
> 
> _We trained harder, pushed ourselves more and my shins started to hurt again. I didn’t know if it was just because we were training more or because my chronic exertional compartment syndrome was back. I was scared, and you didn’t notice at first. I think i was more hurt by the fact you didn’t see that I was in pain that the actual pain I was in. You were my partner, and you knew my body better than I did. You should have been able to know about it, and you probably did but you ignored it. I want to know why, tell me why Scott._
> 
> _I spent hours after practice, applying ice on my shins and trying to make it all go away for the next day, to be at my best for you. Do you realise what I did for you? For us? My doctor at some point told me I had to take a decision. Skating could actually destroy my legs. There were risks that I could never be able to walk again, if I pushed my legs to far. We skated and trained until the Olympics. I don’t remember anything about us during this period because I was in so much pain, that I blocked everything out. I don’t recall our skating, both short dance and free dance. I don’t remember the Gala, neither the opening or closing ceremony. The only thing I remember is the way you looked at me when we were on the top of the podium, and for the first time in forever, I felt our connection slammed back in place. It was as if our bubble was back, and it was only the two of us against the world once more. We sang the anthem, holding hands and I couldn’t have not any of this with anyone else but you. I was my happiest with you, out there. Facing our home crowd, singing our anthem and being next to you._
> 
> _And then.. Then you had to turn and look at Jessica, and smiled My smile, the one that was only destined to me and winked at her. As if this medal was for her, and not for us. You destroyed me. This very second, my world around me collapsed. I didn’t want to be next to you anymore, I wanted to be as far as I could from you._
> 
> _We stopped talking outside of the rink, so I intentionally not mentioned the pain in my calves being back. Why would you care about this more than the fact if I was okay or not? You didn’t bother caring for me, so I didn’t care tell you about my health. I knew my condition could ruin your career but you could always go and find another partner. I was already getting ready for the dreaded sentence of my doctor telling me I couldn’t skate anymore. I went to different appointment with my mom, always finding new excuses because I had to miss practice more and more._
> 
> _One day, you showed up at my house, unannounced. I had just gotten home from the last appointment, the one that told me if I could skate or not anymore. I was sitting on the couch, crying in my sisters arms when you walked in the living room, and the second you saw my tears streamed face, you dropped the boy of chocolate you were holding and ran to me, dropped to the floor in front of me and placed your hand, so delicately on my legs, because you knew. You knew they were hurting and you would always take care of me. You reached out with your hand and stopped short of my cheek, only moving to cup my face when a tiny smile had grew on my lips._
> 
> _I told you everything this day, Jordan had moved away and left the room, giving us the space we had needed to talk this through. You sat next to me, and opened your arms for me to enter. I pressed my face to your chest, and let the words fly from my mouth, not caring one second about the way it was coming out. You were willing to understand, to listen, to be here. I told you the date of the operation and you promised me you would be here. You had taken your phone out and put the date into your calendar, being the responsible person you were not._
> 
> _Our relationship got better and better with the short time leading to the operation. As promised you showed up the night before, went to bed with me and held me the entire night. We talked a lot, instead of sleeping, but I think I needed you reassurance more than I needed sleep in that moment. I woke up the next morning, and as always, didn’t say a word to anyone but you. You talked me through everything this day, you helped me get dressed, get downstairs and into the car. You skipped breakfast because I couldn’t eat and you drove me to the hospital, even if my mom was following with her car. You refused to let me go and Mom had to tell them you were allowed to stay with me._
> 
> _The last thing I remember before I was being pulled under the anaesthesia was the fact that this time you would be here in the waking room. I knew you wouldn’t fail me this time, you would hold on your promise. And the second I woke up, you were the first face I saw, and it was the best, Scott, the best. Since that moment, all I can think about and hope if the fact that one day, I’ll wake up next to you on a daily basis. For almost 2 years, we were back together, connected, in symbioses. You had broken up with Jessica and I thought it would finally be my time, but you broke my heart again._
> 
> _You started dating Cassandra and I still question myself and this relationship on how you made it work for so long. She was so different from you, she hated me and hated the fact that you were away so much for our skating career. I sometimes feel like you kept it up for this long, because you wanted to prove to yourself that you could be with someone that wasn’t me, but you still failed. After you broke up with her, our relationship improved to what it used to be. Jordan used to call her the ghost because she looked a lot like me, and don’t you dare contradict me on this, we both know it is the truth. You thought you couldn’t get me, so you found yourself some girl that looked exactly like me. I wonder sometimes if you imagined us while you where with her, were you thinking about me when she was the one touching you? Because I did, and I still do. I don’t go looking for men that looks like you, but I do go men that are strong enough to lift me up. It makes it easier to imagine this is you, instead of them._
> 
> _It got easier and easier to forget about you, to drown myself with work, collaboration and training. You weren’t as important as you used to be, and my feelings for you downgraded to a simple crush, but it has always been here so I was able to deal with it more easily. We were goofing around on the ice when Marina called us to the board and announce we would do Carmen, and naive Tessa didn’t really realised what it was until she asked us to try the iconic lift, the now named cunniliftus. The first time we tried it, everything came back crashing on me. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t look at you and I rushed out of the rink to get fresh air. I didn’t care about anything else but me in this moment. I had to touch you in ways I only let myself think about, had to look at you as if I wanted you so much I couldn’t hide it, and it was all pretend for you, and it was so real for me. Being your carmen had been the best and the worst time of my life, Scott. I couldn’t handle what it was doing to me, my mental health, the giant wall I had built around me and my heart, everything was destroyed to the point of no repair, because you were all I could think about, and that hasn’t changed since then._
> 
> _The season going to Sochi was the worst I’ve ever lived. We weren’t connecting, we were constantly fighting. You would not listen to me or what I would say. You ignored me for the simple purpose of pushing your dickhead of a girlfriend before our skating. I told you about Marina, and the fact she didn’t care about us, and you didn’t listen. You said I was paranoid, and you never apologised for this, as if I would ever forget that the man I am in love with, called me crazy. The TV show didn’t help us at all, it was a complete disaster for us, our skating and our community. They made us sound like some crazy people and I can’t even being to explain what it did to me. I lost all of my confidence after this. I didn’t know who I was anymore, I watched it and I kept wondering who was this woman I was seeing. It could not be me, I was so sure I was unable to do that to myself. I wasn’t living my life, I was a simple variant of yours. If you needed me, I would jump on the occasion, but other than you I had nobody. I was a pathetic little woman._
> 
> _Sochi came by and passed. I won’t talk about it here, because you have a perfectly written letter about how I felt during that time. We talked about it, but I never told you one thing after those Olympics, so might as well say it here. I had the support of my family and friends, and even with that I couldn’t even phantom the thought of moving on. Because I didn’t have you, didn’t have your approval or your support. It made me realised that I needed to change this and rebuild myself, for myself and simply because I needed to detach myself from your life._
> 
> _I can’t really remember the perfect order, but it was between Cassandra and Kaitlyn, and we had just lost Sochi, and I could not handle anything. You gave up on skating, on me and even on yourself. I had to pull myself back up, and I did. I mourned our silver medals, I closed myself up a bit, I threw myself into work and my study, and the Ryan came along. He wasn’t bad by any means, but he was the farthest from you I could find. It was fast, one night we met and not even two weeks later I was meeting his family. I was okay, not happy, definitely not in love, because how was I supposed to give my heart to someone when I didn’t have any say on it, when my heart was already someone’s else?_
> 
> _We would still meet on occasion, but it was not us. We would chit chat, but not connect. It was as if I was having coffee with a complete stranger, I couldn’t deal with this distance and instead of working harder to solve it. It was my time to give up on you, on us. I chose to live my life by myself instead of fight for what I had always wanted. You. I couldn’t have you in the way I wanted you, so I decided to not have you at all, when I had promised myself that I would always wanted you in any way I could have you._
> 
> _I was lost, utterly and completely lost without you. Our dream had been destroyed and even if silver was still good, it wasn’t what we had wanted. Mom and Jordan tried to make me feel better, but I couldn’t be better if I didn’t have you. They pushed me to go to the cottage but all I could think about was our time there together, the thing we had done there and it made me feel worst._
> 
> _When you broke up with Kaitlyn, I knew it was because of me and the fact she didn’t understand how our relationship was working. I know it was based on our trip to Scotland. I don’t really recall anything from this trip, I just know that something changed between us, as if, for the first time in a while, we were on the same page. We both wanted the same thing — Skating, and each other. We got home, and surprisingly, Kaitlyn was not on our flight home. You sat next to me, and we talked, it was the first time in our two years break, we actually talked. You sat next to me on the plane, took my hand in yours and squeezed and told me you were ready, I still don’t really know what you are ready for, but I guess my mind did, because everything change in my own life. I started seeing you in the best possible way, we clicked back together. It was as if nothing had happened between those few months._
> 
> _Now, October 2015, 2 months before we start training again for our last chance to get the Gold — I know we’ll get it, I can feel it. But you know, it won’t be my biggest achievement, because this title is yours. You are my biggest achievement, my most important possession, the person I love more than anything. If after PyeongChang we can’t be more than what we currently are, then I’ll let you go, Scott. Because for as much as I love you, all I want is for you to be happy._
> 
> _Yours, Always,  
>  _ _Tessa._

 

 

Meanwhile, without concerting each other, Scott was sitting on the floor of his living room, his computer on his knees, typing his letter as well. He had no idea how he was supposed to express almost 17 years of his life in one single letter. He already knew Tessa’s letter will be amazingly eloquent while his will be one giant mess. He’d tried at least and she would understand anything he would write anyway, because Tessa Virtue, knew him better than he knew himself. Deep in thoughts, lost in the jungle of his memories, he was trying to build a letter plan. Writing key words, like Canton, 2010 Olympics, Scotland, Sochi.

 

 

> **ILDERTON  
>  ** **_OCTOBER 2015_ **
> 
> _Dear Tessa,_
> 
> _We got the assignment to write the other a letter about our feelings and it will probably be the messiest and more complicated letter I’d had to put together. You mean so much, Tutu, absolutely everything to me. And The first thing I want to say is: I am sorry, for all the time I hurt you, all the time I didn’t listen, all the time I chose someone else over you. You were (still are) my favourite. I was just being an scared idiot during those times._
> 
> _I will start this letter by speaking of the first time I met your sister, over-protective Jordan Virtue. You probably don’t remember this, or if Jordan told you about this but she cornered me as soon as she heard we would be partnered. She made me promise to always take care of you, because I would become the person you would rely on the most, and at the time I don’t think I took her seriously. Why would, perfect Tessa Virtue rely on borderline crazy Scott Moir? I know you hate when I get self-depreciation but it was my truth. Her exact words were “Scott, if you want to skate with my baby sister, you will have to promise that you will take care of her. You will care and love her as much as I do and you will do everything you can to protect her.” You always ask me why I am so protective over you, here is your answer._
> 
> _We tried out, and the first laps I remember thinking how it must be so boring to skate with a girl, with the same girl for long time. How was I supposed to no get bored of you? And at the exact same moment I thought that, you started to take the lead and do some foot sequence, all on your own. You didn’t wait for Carol’s instruction or for me to be ready, you just listened to the music and started to dance and I had no choice but to follow. We had never skated together other than laps, holding hand and you turned around to skate backwards, smiled at me and i was already gone. I had always told Mom and Carol that I would only skate with someone that could keep up with me and you did, oh god, you did. I was the one who couldn’t keep up most of the time, even when you were injured you were a better dancer, a better skater that I ever was and ever will be. When I was able to keep up with you, you smiled your radiant smile, the one you reserve for the people you care about, the real Tessa Virtue smile, and I remember thinking “Wow, I’ll do everything to make her smile like that.”_
> 
> _After that afternoon, my life had been changed for the better._
> 
> _Our adventure started after this day, we would train only after school at first and when we had our first competition and people started to see us and our potential, Carol had us changed rink and trained before school and after school. My life was thinking skating, sleeping skating, eating skating, skating and you. Since skating was always with you, you were in my head all the time. Charlie and Danny used to kid me. They knew way before I did that I was in love with you. They dared me to ask you to be my girlfriend because they never thought the Amazing Tessa Virtue would ever accept this. But you did, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do, but I was enjoying holding your hand outside of the rink, letting you use my shoulder as your pillow on our car rides to rinks and competitions._
> 
> _2 years after we seriously started to compete, we made the decision to move to Canton, Michigan. I still wonder if it was a good decision or not. I know we won Gold in Vancouver, but we got such a whiplash in the end. I was still head over heels in love with you, but you were turning into this amazing teenagers/young woman and I was just me. I had no idea how to deal with my feelings and my hormones. I chose to get away from you, and it was the worst decision I made. We almost lost each others because of my stupid choices and I am so sorry for that, T. I partied a lot, a experimented a lot during those years and I messed up big time. I met Jessica and it wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t the worst. I was able to forget about you and my feelings for you. I lived this relationship as if it was my lifeline instead of easy-going and happiness. Nobody could me make me happier than you._
> 
> _I messed a lot there. I was there with you, but I wasn’t really there for you. After you kissed me for the first time, I realised that I had broken my promise to my brother — to not mess with you. That kiss, Tess, it brought back all of my feelings for you. I wanted so much of you, of us but I was so scared of the deepness of my feelings. It was so so big, and I was so so little. It was so easy for me to connect with people and make friends and I knew how hard it was for you and how I had promised your brothers that I would take care of you and be there for you and I broke this promise not even two weeks after we got there. I am so sorry for the way you felt during those first few months, because I knew how hard it was for you. I realised how you started to close yourself more and more even to me, how you would reject my touch outside of the rink and sometimes even on the ice. Instead of fighting, I chose to ignore it and be the asshole that everyone thought I was._
> 
> _I started dating around, going to parties and I completely lost myself in this teenage period and it was the worst decision I’ve ever taken. You deserve so much more from me, and I loved you so much at this time. I should have fought and got you to open up to me again. Bring our friendship to what it used to be and not just let it go. To be completely honest, I didn’t realised until later how sad and homesick you were and how I was the only thing that was from home with you. Your host family was the worst but you pushed through and fought back. I was so proud of you, and I never told you that, so I’m doing it now. You often ask why I keep telling you how proud of you I am now, well here is your answer. I’m trying to make it up for lost time._
> 
> _You started dating Fedor, and I know it was to make me jealous, and damn Tess, it worked. It worked so hard that I almost beat the shit out to him one night, because all he could talk about was how good you were in bed, and I couldn’t stand the thing he was saying. I was getting so angry, mostly because he was talking about you but mostly for the thing he said. I would have been so mad for anyone. Marina made us work with psychologist and our relationship got a little bit better after this, and the more we talked, the more we were connecting._
> 
> _We trained and trained some more. We were doing okay, or at least we did. I don’t have your side of the story. But we spent lots of time together outside of the rink and I had my best friend back with me. I knew you were in pain, I could see it but I didn’t realised how bad it was and you were so good at hiding it. I don’t really remember anything up to the Olympics and even this is a blur. I remember skating and the bliss I was feeling during and after our skates. I remember the kiss and cry and not realising what those scored means at the time. I remember being my happiest self with you next to me on the top fo the podium. How you would lean on me and how you pulled away because I smiled at Jessica._
> 
> _We went through lots of press, and interviews and meeting because we just had won gold at the Olympics and then we were immediately thrown in the Stars on Ice show. We would perform and out relationship got better because it was only the two of us. We didn’t know any of the skaters really well and we were still so young. I could see you in pain more and more. After practice, you would run out the rink and lock yourself in the room. I couldn’t get to you, never. You would come out after some time as if nothing had just happened and then go back and come back and you never ever told me anything… Until you collapsed in my arms after our last performance at SOI Vancouver._
> 
> _I still don’t understand that night, how one minute you were crying because of the pain, and the next you were asking me to make love to you, to make you forget. I simply know that I have always been unable to say to you, for anything. I let you have what you wanted, undressed you and took care of you the way you deserve to be taken care of. I did my best, to make you feel loved and wanted because you were already. You were, are, the only thing I’ve ever wanted._
> 
> _You got the surgery and I was so damn scared. I couldn’t see you that weak and I chose to get away. I trained by myself and I ignore you. Mom, Aunt Carol, your sister, even Marina told me to contact you but I could not. I was so scared. I loved you so much, but you were in pain and trying to heal and I was thinking that I couldn’t be weak in this moment because you had so much on your shoulder already._
> 
> _I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must have been for you, how hard it was to skate and hide the pain from all of us. But I was there, for the first time in forever, we were back to virtue and moir. We went through training, an entire season, the freaking olympics and the entire Stars on Ice tour without you telling me anything. I knew, of course I knew something was going on, but you weren’t trusting me enough to tell me. It took you to literally fall into my arms to finally let me know about your legs. Do you realise how scary it was to see you collapse on the ice? You, the strongest person I know. I carried you out of the ice and right back to your hotel room. I remember you tried to make me leave but I would not leave. not now. not when I finally had a chance to know the truth._
> 
> _After this night, we were back to Virtue and Moir. I started dated Cassandra, and I just did her because she was a copy of you. I knew her nickname was the Ghost and it was actually really funny. We did the reality TV show and it was the worst thing ever. I hated the entire thing, but you seemed to be so excited so I went along with it._
> 
> _Sochi happened and destroyed me, more than it did you. or at least it was just because you handle it better that I did. You were a force to reckon. You pushed your emotion down and down and I couldn’t even look at you, because I felt like I was falling you. We lost because I didn’t want to listen to you. We lost because I was being stubborn for no reasons, when all the facts where there. We lost because I was in love with you and you were all I could think about for most of my life. And I lost myself in the process. I lost myself in drinks and bars. Mom and Danny tried to get me to stop and get better but I wouldn’t listen._
> 
> _I had lost my best friend and had to find myself a new one. It found me because I even know how intimate we had become. Whiskey had become my best friend. I would spend my nights in bars until closing hour or until the barman would send me home. I started to stop going to back and drink alone, in my living room. I used to watch our old routines, drinking, alone in my living room and then at some point I would simply drink constantly for no reason at all because while drunk I couldn’t remember, I couldn’t make myself think if anything. I was numb. Mom tried to get me to stop, I know I hurt her a lot, Danny and Charlie tried as well. They would take all of my alcohol but the seconds they were out I would go out and buy myself new bottles and after some point none of my family wanted to see me or listen to me. You were all I was talking about, I don’t remember any of this time but your family knew about it and I still don’t know if you know about this, but I guess it is too late now._
> 
> _7 months later, my doorbell rang and I was so shocked it took me almost ten minutes to open the door. I found your sister on the other side of the door, looking at me as if I had killed you. She was standing there, rigid, eyes dark and murderous. I opened the door wider and let her enter my house. I was still drinking way too much and was far from sober when she came in, but the minute my brain register who she was, it was as if I hadn’t had been drinking for the past months. I felt sober and I was really scared. I thought she would tell me something really really bad had happened to you or something like that, because why else would Jordan Virtue would be at my house? We sat at the kitchen table after she had opened all the windows of my house, forced me to drink at least an entire bottle of water and made me eat some._
> 
> _She told me how miserable you were. How you needed me to come back. She told me that I needed to stop and get my shit together because it wasn’t too late to save our relationship whatever it was. She needed me to get better and help you get better because she couldn’t see her baby sister fall apart like this because of something as irrelevant as what had broke us apart. Hearing how bad and depressed you were was like a waking call on my drunk body. Jordan smiled when she saw the determination back in my eyes and after talking some more she decided to leave me alone and deal with the information she had given me. I think I own you sister my livers, and our friendship, relationship, us. She was the only one that had been able to get through me and talked some sense into my brain. I stopped drinking the next morning, throwing away all the bottles and asking my mom to come with me grocery shopping because I didn’t trust myself to not get alcohol yet._
> 
> _My mom cried the first time I called her after that night, my brothers came and beat me up because of the scare I had given them and after some long talks and weird moments, my family was back in my corner. All I had to work on was you, and I was so ready to get you back in my life. I would do everything to make you feel better, even if it meant that I needed to leave you alone._
> 
> _We were invited to some event in Scotland and I know you think Kaitlyn and I broke up during this trip and how you are the reason, but the real reason is that I hadn’t talked to her in the 7 months I had been drinking and she had given up on me. When I got the information to our flight, I realised that we would be sitting next to each others for a nine hours flight and before I could stop myself I was texting you, sending you a quick text asking if you were okay sitting next to me or if you wanted me to change seat, surprisingly you responded that you were okay._
> 
> _We met up at the airport and seeing you, for the first time in almost a year was like a gulp of fresh air. I smiled at you and you smiled back, a tiny teeny smile, but a smile nonetheless. We embarked in the plane and I let you had the window seat. I waited until we were sitting and taking off because I start to tell you everything. Landing in Scotland, Tessa and Scott were back together, or on its way at least. We talked a lot, cried even more and hugged even longer. Seeing you being the Tessa I knew was everything I needed to get back to the Scott you knew. WE helped each other up and before I was able to get this sorted in my head, my heart was beating for you all over again, and I knew I had to be very careful because one more fall out and we wouldn’t be able to get back up._
> 
> _When we first discussed our come back it was all so hypothetical, we were both wondering if we truly wanted it for the correct reasons and not only for the revenge we felt we needed. I was terrified of saying no at the beginning because I could not live without you then, can’t live without you still. You are the centre of my world and as much as I can’t force you to love me back, you need to know how much I love you. Because I do, love you. I have been in love with you, for the better part of my life. You’ve always been the one, and only._
> 
> _Now, a month after we announced our come back.. we’re back and better than ever. I realised that I could never lose you, because we are a part of each other. Our connection has always been such a wonder to anyone else, us principally. We didn’t understand it, but now I do, or at least I think I do. You deserve the entire world, Tessa, and I will give it to you, even if it isn’t with me._
> 
> _Yours, if you want me to be.  
>  _ _Scott_
> 
>  

Scott and Tessa were sitting in their respective bed, in the hotel room they had booked for the weekend. They had driven away from Montreal to some quiet place. It was time to exchange those letters. They had never agreed on when they would give them, but they knew it would happen some day. Now, a year after they come back announcement, and a year before the olympics. Tessa took her enveloped out of her suitcase and Scott took it out of his duffle-bag. Scott looked at Tessa and smiled at her, giving her his letter and taking hers.

 

“Well this is it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it is time to see tessa react to scott's letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to thank you all for the support this fanfic had gotten!

Tessa was sitting on the bed, facing Scott. They had exchanged their letter and she was currently holding his, it was thinner than hers but she knew he struggled with words on papers, and would most likely messed up in some way, while hers had been carefully written to follow the chronological order of the events. Her eyes couldn’t focus, always in a back and forth between his face and his letter. She couldn’t make the first move and she didn’t know if she would be strong enough to open the letter, and read in with him so close to her but she also knew she needed to it that way, they needed to do it that way. They had messed each other up enough in the past to do it right, this time.  “Scott..?” He hadn’t move since he had taken her letter and she was getting kind of scared of his stillness. 

Scott jumped at the sound of her voice and looked up. He reached out when his brains registered the fear in her eyes, squeezing her hand as soon as it was in his. “Sorry, I got lost in my head for a second. This is gonna change everything, even if neither of us want it to change. Feelings will be out in the open, feelings that can either make us stronger or destroy us. I just don’t know what to do with that yet..” Scott looked straight right into her eyes, piercing eyes locked with her, giving her the time and authorisation to look into his soul, looking for what she needed to open his letter and read it. They had agreed that once they would exchange the letters, they would read it one after the other, starting with Tessa.

Tessa looked deep and long into his hazel eyes, taking the courage she would need to read his letter. She took a deep breathe and chose to move herself to the headboard of the bed, leaning on it for support. Before she could open the letter, something landed next to her and her eyes were already filling with tears. Scott had given her her favourite hoodie of his. She smiled and pulled in on, inhaling the scent that was screaming _Scott Moir._ She teared the envelope open and took the letter out, eyes widening when she realised that the letter was 5 pages long. For Scott, it was the beginning of the longest time of his life. They had agreed not to disturb the other lecture, so he would be sitting on his bed, doing whatever he wanted but he had to make sure not to disturb her, in any way.

Tessa looked at the pages, not reading them yet, just watching how he had been careful with his handwriting meaning he had really taken the time to write this because his handwriting would usually be sloppy and messy. She looked up one last time, smiling at Scott and mouthing their word - together - the one word meaning everything for them. Tessa didn’t wait for Scott to respond and looked down to the first page of his letter. Eyes tearing up already, she took several deep breathe, trying to calm herself down but it didn’t work until she heard Scott’s breathing, deliberately taking longer and deeper breathing for her to match with. She smiled and start reading, keeping the rhythm he had chosen for them.

Tessa read the first paragraph and laughed at the words he had written. She knew, definitely knew he would have made fun of the assignment and the entire situation, but she also knew he would take it seriously. She was still keeping their breathing synchronised, grateful for the silent support he was giving her by not breaking their connection even while he couldn’t do anything else. She gasped and then giggle when she read about her sister and Scott first interaction. She had no idea her sister had done that, but it was such a Jordan move that she wasn’t really surprised. A smile had grown on her face at the last sentence of the second paragraph. She finally had her answer and she couldn’t believe her sister was the reason behind the overprotectiveness.

With a smile still on her face, Tessa refocus her eyes on the paper in her hands and started to read about their try-outs story and what he had chosen to write. Her smile grew even bigger and a gasp escape her lips as she was reading that training session, twenty years ago. She didn’t know that Scott was in the arena, even less near the rink and watching her. She felt a warmth come from deep in her hear and a shiver ran up her spine. Scott had always been there, since the first time she had taken the ice. Scared nonetheless at what she’ll find further in the later, she was still hopeful to end up with the same conclusion. She knew their letters had been written 3 years ago, but she was still definitely in love with him, and it was finally time for them to think of them, as Tessa and Scott, not Virtue and Moir.

She let herself get lost into their past, curious to see it with his eyes, smiling down when she read his memories of their childhood. Tears were pooling in her eyes making it harder and harder to read but she blinked rapidly to make them go away. They had both lived those bad moments, but she had never been so intimate with his side of their story, she thoughts she knew what he had felt when in reality all she knew was simply what she had assumed. She paused, taking some time to regulate her breathing and heartbeat. She would need to be calm for what was next, and before her eyes landed on it, she knew that Scott had passed the easy, happy moments of Canton to go straight to the part that nearly destroyed her, and him, and them. Her body started to shiver, and she forced her throat to close around the ball of anxiety stuck there. She knew what was coming, she had lived through it, dammit, but reading about his emotions, his heartbreaking side would probably make her spiral into some deep shit hole. 

Preparing herself for what was coming, Tessa forced her eyes to read through and for her brain cells to understand what she was reading. She was actually quite interested in what he had to say regarding this period of their life. She wanted to know if he regretted it or if he was the cocky proud one. She read the first paragraph and was about to read the second one when she realised that she wasn’t actually focused on what she was reading, too focused on her breathing. She reached out, and immediately found Scott’s hand, which was already reaching out for hers. His touch, familiarity and warmth calmed her down enough to read this part again, this time correctly. Reading about the fact that he knew about her sadness, and loneliness but didn’t act on it was far worse than anything she could have imagined. She pulled her hand sharply at this, whimpering as she tried to hold in the sobs that tried to get out. How did he do that to her? How did he think that it was okay to abandon her like that? Her entire family had warned him about it.

Not understanding how he could have treated her like this while he was _loving_ her so much. Tessa had never believed him. She knew he loved her, but he had never been fully in love with her, not as much as she had been with him at least. Her entire world was him related, nothing in her life had not a Scott’s part in it. Completely confused, Tessa kept reading making sure to add this subject to the upcoming discussion because she needed more about this, she needed to understand. Tears started to build up in her eyes as she took in how proud of her he had been during their teenage years, even more so when it was related to her stubbornness and inability to back down. They started to fall down, faster and faster, making it difficult for her to see the words she was reading. Scott Moir had been proud of her, even when she was at her worst. Because, yes, Canton had been the absolute worst for her but knowing that Scott had been proud, made everything better and easier. She was finally able to let that time go, and forgive herself for what had happened. She felt the weight she had been carrying for years lift up. She signed long and loud, turning her head to the side to face Scott, mouthing Thank You and smiling softly. She wasn’t really allowed to talk to him, but she needed him to know it nonetheless.

Feeling like she was ready to tackle down anything he had written down, she was wrong as soon as her eyes landed on Jessica. She knew he would have included her in his letter, and she blacked out, blocking all of her emotions out because she didn’t want to read about this, she couldn’t. She decided to pass this, but Scott apparently could read her mind and before the thought of passing that time, he was sitting down next to her, moving her until her back was leaning back on his chest, arms around her waist. “You need to read this, T.” Closing her eyes, she took a deep breathe and started reading about her, and them together. She could almost feel her heart broke in half once again, silent tears running down her cheeks. She wasn’t afraid of showing her emotions anymore, it was Scott, her Scott. She giggled softly when she reached the part where Scott admitted to not remember anything from the Olympics, and she hummed as if he would know that it was the same for her. Surprised, she gasped at the change of tone in his letter when he wrote about her legs and the pain. She could see how much it had hurt him not to know. Scott had always been one to fix things and make them better if he could, and it was the one and only time she had kept him in the dark.

Continuing on their first night as lover, she had to smile at his confusion because as much as he was lost, she was as well. She needed to forget about her legs, how much it hurt and what better way to do that with her best friend and the person she had been in love with her entire life. A sound between a gasp and a sob got out of her throat when her brain understood the meaning behind the words **_You were, are, the only thing I’ve ever wanted._**

As soon as the words she was reading registered in her head, she pressed herself closer to Scott, to his warmth, looking for comfort. Her left hand flew down to the arm that was around her waist, pulling her closer to her. She needed the solid safety only he could give her, and without even thinking about it, Scott was holding her closer to his body, and murmuring encoring words into her hear. Technically it was cheating, but she needed him more than she needed to follow the rules. She nodded along his words, trying to keep her breathing even and calm even if her emotions were all over the place, her surgery and the hiatus in the Virtue Moir history was what scared her the most in his letter. She desperately wanted to know what had been going on in his head. She needed to know why he had giving up on her. They had talked about it a little bit in therapy, but Tessa had never been ready, not strong enough, to talk about it so Scott had just let it go for her, as always. As if to prove that she was a mess, a giggle escape her lips when “Ghost” popped up in the letter and she looked at him and pressed a kiss to his jaw murmuring a sorry, while pointing to the word and Scott shook his head, smiling at her, showing that everything was fine.

Turning around a little bit, Tess pressed her shoulder to his chest, her forehead against the site of his neck. Once again, she knew what was up next, and as much as she hadn’t want to talk about Cassandra??? In their joint therapy session he had refused to talk about the after Sochi period as well and she had respected it. She knew, of course, she knew. You couldn’t spend 16 years of your life next to someone without knowing what their worst habit was. Scott’s was to turn to alcohol whenever he felt like he was losing her, and Sochi had been the one and only real moment where they had almost broken them for good. She remembers the numbers of text messages, missed calls and emails she would get from his family, friends and even girlfriend at the time to get him to stop. Ignoring all of it, she had finally chosen herself over him, simply because she needed to rebuilt herself before she could help him. She wouldn’t have been any help if she couldn’t even look at him without sobbing or yelling.

They went without talking for almost 5 months, the longest 5 months of her life. She left and spent some time at her mom’s cottage and then left for Paris, a trip that only few people knew about. She had needed to get away from everything that reminded her of skating, Sochi and sadly.. Scott. She gasped when she realised she hadn’t included that in her letter, and then remembered that she had given him a letter she had written while in Paris. She had thought she was ready to face Scott again, after those five months away but as soon as she had landed on home soils, she realised how wrong she had been. Tessa was still very much broken and she didn’t think being away was helping but she also knew how hurt she felt, and the brunette certainly couldn’t see Scott in the state he was in. She refocused her thoughts on the letter and not her memories. She audibly gasped and covered her mouth with her hand when he mentioned Jordan. She had absolutely had no idea that she had intervened. She remember Jordan telling her she needed to get on the road if she wanted to get home before the night when in reality she went and confront Scott. Jordan, her sister, was the reason he had kicked back, fought back and came back to her. A sob tore itself from her throat and before she could stop herself, her arms were looped around his neck and holding onto him for dear life, sobbing as quietly as she could.

Scott pried her away softly, careful not to be harsh or inconsiderate. He needed her to finish the letter and it wasn’t that long anymore. He pressed his forehead to hers and smiled sweetly at her, thumb caressing the apple of her cheek. “You can do it, T. you’re almost done and then you can process it all.” He pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose which made her giggle and crushed her nose up, turning her head slightly to get away from his kiss, she grabbed the letter she had abandoned and realised that she had only one page left. She decided to stay in the position and read it through. Tears were still running down while she read how Jordan had probably saved Scott’s life, and hers. She was so grateful and thankful for her sister, the woman that knew her better than any others except Scott. She had known when to shut up, when Tessa had needed to be help and she most importantly had known when to confront Scott and what to say to make it fight back, and bring him back. She made an internal not to thank her sister for this, and probably for the millions things she had done that Tessa hadn’t realised.

Thinking of Alma and what her second mom had to go through because of Scott, because of them broke her down even more. Tessa wasn’t normally this emotional, unless it was related to Scott, and their relationship then she would be a wet sponge. She knew how hard it had been for her mom to see how sad she had been, but she couldn’t even phantom how hard and heartbreaking it must have been for Alma, seeing her most driven and dedicated son be so low, so determined not to care. She laughed when the story of his brothers beating him up came and she shook her head at their shenanigans and smiled at how he had expressed their reunion. She was amazed to see how she could feel what he felt while writing this and probably what he had felt during those moments. Her brain blacked out for some seconds, getting her emotions under control before attacked the last part of his letter, their reunion before their comeback decision. She took a deep breathe, closing her eyes and letting the movement of Scott’s chest to guide hers, once calm enough to read the words she was the most excited about, and scared, more likely terrified if we’re being honest here. 

It had taken everything, and 20 years for Tessa to finally believe him when he said that he loved her. He had treated her so badly in the past, therefore never believing him but after reading his letter, his words, his feelings. She couldn’t deny it anymore. Tears were running down her cheeks, a sob escaping her throat when she read the last line of his letter, for all this time, they had misunderstood one another. For all this damn time, they were in love with the other. They wasted so much time, and Tessa didn’t know how to deal with this. She knew Scott had to read her letter before she could actually talk about his. Letter slowly falling down on her laps, Tessa was still trying to wrap her mind around what she has just read, but it was mission impossible. How was she supposed to get through this and wait for him to read her entire letter before she could say anything. She was starting to panic, and before she could react or say anything, Scott was sitting in front of her, close enough to touch but not quite yet. “Tess, breathe with me.” Head snapping up, eyes locked with his, she pressed her hands to his chest, and shoulder mimicking his breathing. She immediately felt herself calm down and smiled softly. “Thanks Scott.”

She hadn’t called him that in a really long time, both of them thinking this nickname to be too childish but based on Scott’s grin, he was still totally okay with her using it. She reached up with her left hand and pressing her palm to his cheek. “Go read mine, we’ll talk later.” She was in an advantage position, knowing both of their feeling but Scott had to know that her reaction was an happy one, overwhelming? yes but happy nonetheless. She smiled a bigger and softer smiled and pushed him away gently. It was time for him to read the letter she had written him three years ago, and while he was doing this, she would take the time to get around what she wanted to tell him, even if she was sure she wouldn’t have much to say after this. She chose to lie down and close her eyes, taking deep breathe to help Scott as he did with her at the beginning.

She let the last sheet of paper slide from her fingers to her laps, a smile growing on her face. She knew, she finally knew how he felt, and for the first time in their 20 years of partnership, they were on the same page. Well at least, they were 3 years ago, but judging by the way Scott kept looking at her with so much adoration, he still felt the same way. She turned around, hand going over his heart and pressed a tender kiss to his cheek, reassuring the both of them that everything was fine. She looked deeply into his eyes to let him see everything he needed to see before she pushed him away a little bit. She managed to grabber her letter from the bed next to hers and gave it to Scott. “You can do it, Scott. I believe in you.” She was about to move away, and give him space when she felt his hand around her wrist, stopping her. “Stay.” The scared look he shot her was what really stopped her and before she could say anything she was sitting against the headboard and pulling him in between her legs, holding him back to her, hands playing with his too long hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, as you might have seen 2 more chapters will be added. Next one will be Scott's reaction and the last one will be their discussion and what happen afterwards. 
> 
> Again, kudos means the world to me and don't hesitate to leave a comment if you have any comments/questions


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott reads the letter Tessa wrote him, and react to it.

Scott leaned back against Tessa and close his eyes to lose himself in the moment. He was terrified of what he’ll find in her letter, even if could read how lighter and happier she was, using the knowledge he had of her body language, he didn’t think he was ready to read this. He placed the envelope on his chest, and breathe out slow and long, reached out for Tessa’s hand, which was already waiting for his. She could see how he was struggling to reign in his emotions, struggling to have an open mind over the task to read her letter. She needed to act quickly before he would close himself off. Scott needed to be open, heart and mind. She pressed her fingers to his temple and moved around a little bit to get a better view on him. She started to apply pressure on his temples, making circular motion on his skin. "Scott, breathe with me." She was taking deeper breathe in and longer exhale out, forcing his muscle memory to follow her actions. She was kind of taking advantages of their closeness and the fact that they have been doing this for longer than she could remember, really. Once their breathing synchronized, she took off her hands and handed him her letter, snaking her arms around his waist and neck, holding him to her. "You can do it, you can do anything, Scott." She pressed a kiss to the top of his head and decided to lose herself in the fact that he was still in her arms and would probably stay there for the rest of their lives. She got lost in her mind, processing what she had read and what it would do to their current relationship? Partnership? Friendship? 

Once calm again, he was careful to open the envelope and took all the sheets of paper out. He smiled and passed his finger over his name that she had written at the top before counting the pages. Damn her letter was even longer than his, but it wasn't really surprising. It was Tessa, the woman who could write a four hours essay under two hours just because she loved the challenge. He re-positioned himself and turned a bit on his side, knowing exactly what he wanted his position to be and not disturb Tessa that was probably in the middle of processing what information she had gotten. He pressed the side of his face to her breasts, ear over her heart and the constant beat of it was the best calming source he could get from her. He took a deep breathe, counted to ten in his head and finally, his eyes landed on the first words of her letter and he knew, already, that he wouldn't survive this. His sensitive side would eat him alive, but he knew he needed to go through this, for him, for them, for Her. 

He started to read and after the first two sentence, Scott knew that she had been really careful with the timeline of their relationship, putting down everything in the correct order, probably with a to do list on the side to make sure not to forget anything. A chuckle erupted from his throat when he read how Tessa was sure she would fail this assignment, as if Miss Tessa Virtue could fail at anything.

Reading about their childhood through her eyes was something else. He could not believe the details she put into her letters, how she remembered things he did not. She had always been better at this entire recall things from the past, but it was another level. Tears were already rolling down his cheeks but he didn’t care, and was too captivated by the letter to realize, until he felt Tessa’s finger swiping his cheeks with the sleeve of her (his) hoodie. He laughed at the mention of his nervous ticks that he still had. “Damn Tess, you really remember all of this.” He knew he wasn’t supposed to talk to her, but they weren’t supposed to be touching either and he was currently lying down on her. He didn’t wait for her to respond and start to read the next paragraph. He felt more ready than when he had started, maybe it was because the familiarity of Tessa’s wording or the way she was still playing with his hair to help me stay relaxed. Deep down, Scott knew it was simply her presence, his safe place. He had thought he knew her better than he knew himself, but Tessa could still surprise him. He had never knew that she had asked Carol about him on her first day at the rink. He never thought Carol had been so straight forward regarding their pairing. He had always thought that Tessa had nothing to do with their pairing, but apparently she kind of did and before he could stop himself he had turned around a little bit and pressed a kiss to the apple of her cheek, murmured a simple Thank you, turned back and started reading again. Tessa looked at him, dumbfounded, blushing and smiling. She pressed a kiss to the top of his head in return and let him read, happy to simply look at him. She was really curious to see his reaction when he would read the part where she wrote how in love she had always been with him. Scott read through the entire timeframe of the wait and try-out and chuckles multiples times, even commented on how he couldn’t believe she had stopped talking to Jordan because of him. He gasped at the correct moment and turned around so fast to look at Tessa that she was afraid he had hurt himself. “I... mmh.. Your mom.. Kate... she really said that?” Tessa nodded and laughed before pressing another kiss to his forehead. “She also told me that you and me, we would do great things.” Scott nodded and seemed to be lost in his head until he was not and started to read the next paragraph. This was the one Tessa was the most scared and excited about. She wanted to see his face for this, she needed to see the emotions dancing on his face as he processed the words he was about to read.

She turned her body sideways, forcing him to follow in the other direction. Scott found himself laying on the bed, Tessa in front of him, hand on his cheek, fingers playing with the hair at the base of his neck. She nodded and he refocused on the task at hand. As soon as his eyes read through the words and his brain processed them, he felt tears pooling in his eyes. He looked up, staring at the woman he had been in love with for so long, mouth agape and speechless. He saw Tessa blush the prettiest pink color and pressed his palm against her cheek. He was about to speak when he felt a slim finger pressing on his lips and he closed it, eyes locking back on hers. She shook her head, and it was her signal that it was not time. With a smile and a head tilt she mentioned for him to keep reading. Frowning at the immediate declined chance to talk, he rolled on his back and look at the ceiling. He knew she was simply following the rules of the assignment. He needed to read the entire thing before they could talk, but he just now realized how hard it would be for him. The letter was now forgotten on the bed, as Scott tried to get his emotion under control. He was taking slow and long breathe, blocking each to count to 5 and release them. Scott needed to center himself and the usual way to do that would be to reach out for Tessa, but he didn’t know if he was allowed to do this, but before he could debate on it too much, he felt her body slid to his, her head falling onto his chest. “I’m here, Scott, always.” The air that he had been holding in without knowing got released and he closed his eyes, squeezing her tighter against him. “Always.”

Scott took his time, both of them knew he was the most sensitive of the pair. He always needed more time to get over his emotions. He murmured so quietly, Tessa was sure it wasn’t meant for her but as close as she was to him, she heard it all and her heart broke a little bit because of the words her was muttering. As much as Tessa wanted to help him, he needed to deal with this by himself. She pushed herself up and leaned against the headboard, giving him the choice to sit as he wanted, which he did, choosing to turn on his side, his head landing on her thighs. He reached out and took her hand, pressing it to his head and smiled crookedly at her which made her laugh. She started to play with his hair and Scott started reading again. Scott was grateful for Tessa more than he could actually express but he wanted to try and he would, once he had finished reading this letter. Scott read through their first meeting, stopping only to wipe his eyes or his nose, but he was determined to finish reading this. Tessa had taken the time to write this letter so he would take the time to read it and take it in, properly. He wanted this to work and if he needed to wait a little bit more until they could talk, then so be it. He was ready.

Scott laughed as this specific memory, he had in fact understood her name, but he never said anything because he had also understood how shy and introvert she was. He had wanted to make sure she felt safe and secure in their try out, because Scott had felt something for the first time during a try-out and the fear that he could mess it up just by joking around had made him stop. He remember how he had wanted to skate with little Tutu, how it was all he could think about the week following their try-out until Carol, Kate, Tessa and himself were to meet again and decide if it was truly what they wanted to do. Reading that his quietness had helped her, even now, was the best gift anyone could give him. He had made his life goal to always protect Tessa and made her feel safe, and if he had been able to do this from the beginning then he had reached his goal. He just needed to keep her safe. It was crazy how he could see little Tutu and little Scotty skating together on the ice as he was reading it. He remember how he had to reign in his outgoing side, making sure to respect her. He remember how his brothers had told him, repeatedly how he needed to be nice, and help Tessa feel at home here and feel safe with him. A sound in between a laugh and a grunt escape his lips and he hid his face in her belly, reading from the corner of his eyes about their first – miserable – attempt at dating. He was so embarrassed from what he had done that he couldn’t believe she had chosen to write it down. She wanted to kill him that was it. “Tess, we promised we wouldn’t talk about this – ever.” Tessa laughed and Scott smiled. That was how their relationship worked. Scott had always doubted his worth – no matter if it was with Tessa, his brothers, friends, exes. He had always thought he was not good enough and those issues were worse with Tessa. She was this perfect woman, and he was just Scott, the country boy. Knowing that he had broken her heart when she was eight years old, sent a pang of guilt through his body straight to his heart. He had never wanted to hurt her, but he had been stupid and thought that it was the right thing to do. They had needed to focus on their skate to become the best they could, but he had never wanted to break her heart. He had never realised how deep her love for him was. He had always thought it had been a simple crush. 

Scott had always been in awe of Tessa, her ability to build walls around her to protect her when faced with the media, stress of competition or even him, when he acted like an idiot. He used to hate when she would keep him out of her life, out of the walls but now? Now he was so amazed by her and the way she would deal with everything, chin held high and eyes on fire. She was passionate, always had been so it wasn't a real surprise to read how she had chosen skating over her broken heart at the age of nine. Skate had always been their main focus, their main goal. They wouldn't let a silly - not silly at all, if twenty years it's still here - crush coming in between them and their dreams. What shocked him, was how she had dealt with her feelings. All along, those feelings were stuck in a box, at the deep end of her mind. He couldn't believe she had been in love with him all along, at some different level, he knew that but still in love. She had a virtual Scott box, and that knowledge broke him and put him back together in a second. He knew what was coming and he took some precious seconds to prepare himself, tensing in the process. He felt her hands move to his temples and apply pressure there as well, making sure he was still relaxed. "Don't." A simple word that meant so much to them, and he let go of the tension, closing his eyes exhaling, then he started reading again, reading through her first kiss, their first kiss. The kiss wasn't what had made him tense, but the following of the story and based on how accurate her letter had been until now, he knew that the next part was Jessica, as part he was not proud of.  Expecting to have the entire description of how she had felt, Scott find himself face to face with the shortest paragraph of her letter so far, and then he remembered that Tessa had given him a letter about this time 7 years ago now. 

Tears were pooling in his eyes once again at the Stars on Ice 2010. How hard it had been to see her in this much pain without being able to do anything to help. Scott had always believed in helping others and not being able to help you had been the worst part of it all. He remember how she would cry silently while he would work her skates off, how her body would tense and then relax when he started to apply pressure on her legs to release the pressure, the sound of her teeth grinding into each other under the force she would apply there. He pressed a kiss to her belly snaking his arms around her middle and squeezed her as if to say sorry. He looked up and mouthed the words, pressing another kiss there before reading once again. Damn if Scott hadn't hated himself for this night, the night that broke everything they had worked for. He had done the thing he had swore he would never do to little Tutu. He had slept with her, and even if it was consensual, it had felt wrong in the end. He didn't regret it but he still felt as if he shouldn't have to, or at least not in these circumstances. He smiled at the way she had chosen to recall this moment, their first time. Reading her side of the event made it sounds better than it ever has from his. She had asked for it and it had helped her. As if she had known, those words were what Scott had needed to let go of the guilt he had carried with him for all of these years. A huge sigh could be heard in the room, which made Tessa look down and with a quick glance to the letter, she knew what he had read and what had caused this reaction. She bent down and pressed a kiss to his forehead, pushing his hair back.

He started reading and the change in tone of the letter was like a whiplash. He was amazed by the depth of her letter, the way she had poured her heart out for this, for him. He kept murmuring "i am sorry" over and over again. He had never meant to chose Jessica over Her, simply because no one could be above her. He made a mental note to talk about this later today. He read through the surgery and Fedor without too much difficulties because he knew already. They had talked about this during therapy. He broke down when he eyes landed on the why of the next paragraph. He couldn't believe how broken she sounded. He didn't have a good reason for this ignorance, he had simply been a stupid teenager too focused on himself and maybe, just maybe he had wanted Tessa to need him. He had wanted for her to reach out and ask for his help, for him bit she hadn't and so Scott had closed himself off, not caring. (he was totally caring, let's be honest here). He remember the amount of tears he had shed during this period of time, until he confronted Tessa and she finally told him everything.

Scott remember how scared her had felt during the surgery, sitting in the waiting room during the entire thing. Holding Jordan’s hand while Kate was holding him. He had been hold enough to handle it by himself, but as always he’s second family had been there to support him as much as he has been there to support them. Instead of getting lost on this feelings from back then, he refocused on the letter and read through the Cassandra phase and Scott laughed when he read the nickname. Nickname he knew about and one that had made him laugh for days on. He didn’t know it was Jordan, but at the same time he knew that Tessa would never have been able to do this. Anger and sadness were twirling inside his body, he was struggling to deal with any of those, and instead of trying he pushed himself up and started to walk back and forth in front of the bed, eyes still on the letter. He had known how he hard hurt her, but he had never realized how deep it was still hurting her now. She had carried that pain for long, that betrayal and he needed to fix this. He sat down again, elbow leaning on his knees. He sighed profoundly, trying to calm himself down. He needed to finish reading this, and then he would fix this. He read through Sochi, Cassandra, Kaitlyn, Ryan until he reached the end of her letter where she was finally talking about what he had wanted to know for so long. It was the moment he would learn about her view on their relationship and what she wanted it to be from now on. He knew their letters had been written 3 years ago, and her feelings could have changed, but based on her reaction it hadn’t. He just hoped he was not reading all this wrong.

He read through the last paragraph and before he knew it, the air that he was holding in was getting out of his lungs. He let himself fall back on the bed, an idiotic smile on his face. She loved him, Tessa Virtue was still in love with him. Tears ran down his cheeks and a crazy laugh erupted from his lips. He turned his face to Tessa and looked at her, really looked at her and everything changed. He felt the energy in the room change, he felt himself being changed by her look, her presence, her love. He reached out towards Tessa and waited patiently for Tessa to take it, because he knew, he knew that deep down they were it. The greatest love story of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next and final, you'll read about their reactions, discussions and most importantly their final decision.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott and Tessa have read each other letters. Read this to see their reactions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter would have never been out this early if it wasn't for you guys, you know who you are. your words and excitement regarding this chapter is what pushed me to go through it all and finish it. 
> 
> WARNING, this is smut, and i mean smutty smut.

Scott rolled on his side and looked at her. Tears were still running down the side of his nose, falling on the bed under him. He didn’t care about this, he only cared about the equally fast running tears on Tessa’s face. The smile that was only reserved for him was plastered on her face. He touched her face with his fingertips, knowing that his favorite sound was coming, and as if on queue, she cry-laughed and throw herself at him. Scott just had time to open his arms for her, holding her to his chest. He didn’t realize the shaky movement going on, until he heard her sob. He pressed kisses on the top of her head and let her cry it out. It was her usual reaction to strong emotionally charged moment. She would bottle it all up until it was too much and she would find a way to let it go. In this instant, the way to let it all go was tears, and he understood it. He, himself, wanted to cry but he needed to keep it together for a little while longer.

"It’s alright Tutu, you’re alright." Scott murmured to the top of her head, lips pressed to her hair. His fingers were playing with her hair in the way she liked. She nodded and snuggled closer to his warm body. She needed time to calm herself down and then they could have The talk, the one that had been looming over their heads for the past 2 years. He felt her arms go around his waist, squeezing as hard as she could, proving to herself that she was not dreaming. "I have been waiting forever for this to happen." He moved back and pressed a kiss to her forehead, she didn't need words right now. She needed his presence.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours but what was actually only minutes. Both of them unable to stay in the that position without talking about what it meant for them. They both knew that they were it for the other and as much love and trust was in between them, there was so much at risk. It wasn't just them, but their entire family would suffer from it if it didn't work out, but Scott was convinced it would work, that they could make it work. Tessa was worth everything to him and she needed to hear it from him. He pulled back, and sat back up, pulling Tessa up as well. He reached out for her hand and her pinky found its destined place between is index and middle fingers. H squeezed once and waited for the squeezed back before words started to pour out of his mouth.

"Tess, we’ve know each other for twenty years now, almost twenty-one. We have been through so much together and I couldn't ask for a better partner in life than you. You know me better than I know myself and therefore you must know that I love you so much. I have been in love with you for the better part of my life — even if I didn't know it at that time. The first time you took my hand at the Ilderton Skating Club, I felt such a strong connection to you and I know how far we would go. Look at us now, T. We have 5 Olympics medals, gone to three Olympics Games, been 3 times worlds champions, and 8 times Canadians champions. We carried the flag at the opening ceremony and made the entire country proud, but you were the only opinions that mattered through all of that. You were the only thing that mattered. We could have sucked at ice dance and skating all together and you would still be the most important thing in my life." Scott looked up just in time to see Tessa wiped tears from her face. He squeezed her hand once more and smiled softly, letting her know it was totally fine.

"I can’t barely remember my life without you, or I chose to forget about it. I always said it wasn't about finding skating, it was about finding you. You have been keeping me alive for so long that if your letter would have tragically different I don’t think I would have survived it. You look at me and I am lost in those gorgeous green eyes of yours." Scott was using all of his most iconic slip ups to make her laugh and without failing, Tessa belly-laugh erupted making the bed shook under them." We grew up together, managed to not kill each other during our teenage years, so I think we’ll handle this as well. You are my favorite human on the entire planet, and I can’t imagine myself doing any of this without you and apparently Canada wouldn’t like us very much if we didn't end up together, married and living the van life — I’ve read." Scott couldn’t stop himself from that one, but it had the wanted effect and he laughed with her when he felt her relax next to him. Once they had both calmed down a little bit." I love you, Tessa, for better or worth. You wouldn’t be able to push me away, not after everything that had happen in the past. You are everything to me, and if you’ll have me. I promise to do everything in my power to make you the happiest you’ve ever been and to love you for the rest of my life." Scott knew his little speech sounded ridiculously like vows but he didn't care, Tessa needed to hear them. Scott looked up after finishing his speech, needed to see Tessa’s reaction. When he looked up, he didn't see what he had expected.

He thought they were on the same page, had he read the entire situation wrong? Scott started to panic at this new addition to their situation. He had thought it would be easy from there, but Tessa was looking blankly at him as if she had seen a ghost and it wasn't a good look, no matter what Scott was trying to tell his mind. She was frozen there, not blinking. The fear and anxiety she was feeling in this moment was such a shock that Tessa didn’t know how to process anything that Scott had just said. She knew she loved him, but she had never in a million years, thought that Scott and Tessa, Virtue and Moir would become more than the weird partnership that they have been. In contrast to what everything was thinking about them, they had never been more than friends, best friends mind you, but still just friends, platonic business partner.

Tessa knew she needed to act before it was too late and she could see how Scott was already freaking out about this. She pressed her fingers to his cheek, bringing him back to the moment, to her. She smiled softly and leaned in before chickening and kissing the tip of his nose. She wanted so badly to kiss him, but she knew that if they started this exact thing, none of what they needed to talk about would be said and she needed words more than actions right now. The reassurance her mind and soul needed was much more important than the need her body wanted. They would get there eventually. She pushed herself up and apparently it was the wrong move because Scott jumped up and out of the bed, and before she could called his name and for him to come back to her, he started to pace right there, two feet from her.

“Scott!” called Tessa, multiple times to try to get his attention and when she realized that it wasn’t working she stood up and walked in Scott’s path, forcing him to either stop his pacing or walk around her. Scott stopped but kept his eyes on the ground looking overly interested in the carpet they were now both standing on. “Scott, listen to me. I freaked out and I’m sorry, but I’ve never realized that you and I could be in love at the same time and want the same thing. You and I need to talk about it. Even if you told me you loved me in that letter, it was still three years ago and I needed to know 2018 Scot was in this as much as 2015 Scott.” They both took a deep breathe in at the same time, forcing them to look at each other, a slow smile coming up on both of their faces — proving once again that they were in complete synchronization. 

They reached for the other and giggled together. Tessa’s hand was curling around his shoulder and his was reaching out for her waist, the perfect dance hold. That realization made them laugh harder than the situation should have called for but the nerve and deep emotions cursing through their bodies and mind needed an escape. Tessa made that crying-laughing thing and before she could say her name, Scott was pulling her to him, arms going around her thighs to haul her up and in his arms. “I love you, T.” She smiled against the skin of his neck and replied back to him, pressing a tiny kiss to his neck. “Love you too.” She was running her fingernails at the base of his neck, knowing how much he liked it. She needed to keep him in this mindset for as long as possible. Their conversation wouldn’t be all rainbow and roses, but they needed to have it nonetheless. “Can we talk now, kiddo?” She rarely used this nickname for him, only when she wanted to reassure him and proved to him that they were still the seven and nine years old from old good Ilderton and London, ON. Scott nodded and lead them to the balcony, and despite the privacy Tessa so desperately craved for what was to come, she understood the need to be out _in public_ to maintain a neutral ambiance, allowing them to be honest and fearless with their words.

They both sat there, waiting for the other to talk. Not that any of them didn’t know what to say, they just didn’t know how to tackled this first. It seemed to be such a giant obstacle and suddenly both of them were blurting the other name, making them laugh once more. “You go first, kiddo” said Scott rapidly. 

She reached out for his hand, steeling herself for what was to come.

“Scott.. before I say anything, I just want you to know that I love you, I’ve been in love with you for the longest time. You have to know that, and I will ask you to not forget this in the next moment.” She looked up, losing herself in the hazel eyes she knew better than her own at this point. She was waiting for his response, knowing that he was preparing himself for the worse. “Babe, breathe.” She put her hands on his shoulder, pulling him to her. She still hadn’t registered the pet-names she used on him, she was just focusing on getting him to calm down. Tessa had known that it could go this way but she had hoped it would happen later in the conversation. Soon, their breathing and ultimately their heartbeats synchronized and she pressed a quick kiss to the tender skin of his neck, smiling when she felt his lips connect with the exact same spot on her neck. “You called me babe, T.” murmured in awe Scott, pulling away to press their foreheads together. “I… I did. This is what you are, or will be — if you want it to be.” She pressed a tiny kiss to his lips, not much more than a feather touch, just to prove him with actions that she was in this for the long haul if he was. “You ready?” Questioned the brunette, pushing him away once more to sit in their original position.

She smiled and started talking, she couldn’t take the time to think over her speech or else she would chicken out and they would get back to square one — and as much as she loved where they were now, she wanted more of Scott, more of that closeness they had discovered. She needed to see what was being this invisible line that Suzanne had started, the one Marina had transformed from an invisible line to the Berlin wall.

“Scott, you are the most important in my life. You are more important that my sister, or even my mother. You are the one person that has always been next to me. You know me better than I know myself but you also know all of my insecurities and it scares me. The fact that you and I have grown up together is what scares me the most in this upgrade of relationship. I can’t lose my favorite human being over a simple fling.”

Tessa was talking to the duvet she was sitting on, unable to look at him, she chose to play with the rings around her fingers.

“You don’t understand, Scott. Losing you would be more painful than ripping my heart out and crushing it to pieces. I can’t function without you. I can’t breathe without you. I can’t exist without you, and I don’t want to. But people around us have been talking about the will they - won’t they our entire life and I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with this, meanwhile dealing with the entire relationship issue. I’ve always been easily scared of commitment and my parent’s divorce didn’t help at all. I was already struggling so much with my confidence and our communication that I put even more pressure on myself and it ended up with us not communication correctly because I didn’t tell you right away and you couldn’t adjust to me as you usually would. We both know we’ll need help to deal with it. I will need help to open myself up for real, because it’s you and if I was able to trust you with my body and my life my entire life, I should be able to trust you with my heart and soul.”

She ran her her fingers through her hair, before running her fingers up and down his wrist looking for some contact. As always between the two, Scott knew what to do and reached out for her hand, sliding her pinky between his index and middle finger.

“I have idolized you, our partnership, and to be honest our relationship as well for the better part of my life, forced myself to not feel anything when your hands were roaming my body, lied to the entire country over and over again on those feelings and made myself believe that an us would never be possible, that it was a sin to think of you as anything other than my skating partner. Scott, you read that letter, Scott — you read how broken I was at times in my life, just because I couldn’t even think of anything else but us.”

Sniffling, she refused to hide herself. She was trying to open up, to show her emotions. She looked at him straight in the eyes and let himself see her, for real.

“I cried myself to sleep so many nights thinking that I would never be able to get to that big, pure, true love. I was thirteen years old when I realized that you were the one for me, my own prince charming, my own forever. I was fifteen when I realized that what I wanted out of that revelation might never happen because I had to give you what you wanted in the form of skating, and don’t get me wrong, skating with you is my favorite thing but I hated it at times, because it was the thing that kept me from getting you, for falling in love that little bit of myself that I was still holding on. You are my A+ guy, the one shaped to be mine.”

She smiled and caressed his cheek, wanted to touch him before she dropped the bomb he wasn’t ready for.

“I am scared, completely terrified just thinking of the possibility of anything going wrong, but I want to try. If I can’t trust myself with you and trust you with my heart, there is nobody in the world that I would do it with. You are my best friend, my scotty, my kiddo, the love of my life, but more importantly, you have been the one person I could count since day one. You took my hand and little Tessa knew deep down that this moment was more meaningful than just skating. I always knew, Scott, I always knew that it would be you and me in the end. It has always been just you and me. I love you so much, and I need you to understand how hard this is for me to tell you this.” Tessa leaped forward, trusting him to catch her. “I’m so sorry it took me so long to tell you this, and I’m sorry for all the time I didn’t say it back.

“T-bone, baby, thank you, for trusting me with this.” He smiled at her and caressed her cheek. "I love you so much and I also want to apologize for the past. I know, I know what’s in the past, stays in the past but I never apologized for all the hurt I caused you. I made mistakes in the past, tons of them if you ask me. I dated to try not to cross that line that pretty much everybody told me not to cross because you were little tutu, the one girl i wasn’t allowed to like or think of, touch or even look at when I was a teenager, but you also were the one girl I was with constantly.

I spent my teenage years driving myself crazy trying to act as normal as I could around you, but also trying to save my sanity. It’s always been you for me, and it will always be you. You saved me from so much in the past and I believe that you will still keep me from going crazy. You have always been the reason to my craziness, the organized to my messy.

The closer we got to the Olympics, the more anxious I was, because as much as it was amazing to go back, it also meant that Virtue and Moir was done in some way. I couldn’t cope with that thought in the beginning. Thinking of a future without you nearly drove me to my destructing self. Instead of acting on it, I called J-F and asked for additional session with him and we talked, and talked and talked some more. Do you wanna know what we talked about? You, it was always about you. I had seventeen years to unload, I wasn’t ready to write this letter then and I wouldn’t have been able to if it wasn’t for you or without J-F help.

You know what other thing I discovered? That fate or the universe is a fucking weird place. I took your hand twenty years ago, and it’s all I can think about most of the time, because without Carol I would have never known you, we wouldn’t have won three Olympic medals, went around the world multiple time but more importantly I wouldn’t have met you, the love of my life. You deserve the world and I want to spend the rest of my life giving it to you. You have always been so much better than the country boy that I am and I used to think that was one of the major factor we wouldn’t work but I learned and understood that it is not the case anymore.

Tess, it will be hard, I am not gonna lie to you. You know me too much. I know you too well. Both of us can blindly reach for each other in any situation. You can name all of my defense mechanics and nervous tics. I can count the amount of time you swear. I know when to push, to walk away or to give you time. I know not to wake you up before 9:30 am unless there is an emergency. You know not to constantly comment when Hockey is on. I know how you eat poached egg because it is your favorite meal and not because this is the only thing you can make. You know what drink I want based on the weather, place and mood I’m in. I know who you first kiss was, and you know mine. I know all the sore subject you would rather avoid like the plague but I also know that I would be the person you would turn to if you needed to talk about those. I know that I can count on you, no matter the time of the day, because that’s what partners are for.

Tessa, we know everything about each other and yet you still find ways to surprise me. You make me discover new facets of your personalities every day. You make me fall in love with you every day, just by smiling and this is what I believe is the key to happiness. We have spent twenty years together, from childhood to adulthood, what’s the rest of our lives compared to that, baby? We both deserve to be happy, and if we can reach this level of peace and happiness together, why would I even try to get somewhere else with anyone else?” Tears were running down his cheek, smiling like the idiot in love that he was. “I want to spend the rest of my life, like I spent the last twenty. With you right by my side.” He reached out and pulled her to him, pressing their forehead together. “It’s you and me. No matter what we’re together…” his smile grew bigger when she finished their motto. “and no matter what, I love you.”

They both took the time to look into the other eyes and smiled, letting go of their fears and apprehension about this and let their love envelop them. Tessa moved first and leaned it, pressing her lips to his once more, letting them linger there for a few second unmoving. She just wanted to feel this, feel their connection click in another way. Eyes closed and lips pressed together, the duo sighed at the same time proving once again that their connection was beyond anything. She cut the kiss short, needing to see his love shine in his beautiful hazel eyes.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Identical words, different voices. This is how they ended up kissing each other again. Tessa was giggling away and Scott was groaning, trying to deepen the kiss which seemed impossible while his partner was still laughing. He pressed his palms to her cheeks, holding her still and stared at her. “Let me love you.” He pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose. “Let me show you.” He then kissed both of her cheeks, pressing their forehead together. “Let me be the person to take you flying.” He moved to kiss her lips, but Tessa charged forward and pushed him down the bed, following along. They found themselves lying against each other, knowing that it was different from all the others time they had shared a bed.

The lips found each other naturally as if they had been doing this forever, instead of just ten minutes. Hands roaming, lips smacking, hair pulling, this is how Tessa and Scott’s partnership went from platonic to romantic. Tessa had been waiting for so long for this moment that she couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe she was actually kissing her partner, her best friend, the love of her life. Giddy with love, she moved to straddle his hips, pressing their lower half together intimately. “Scott, I’ve always wanted you.”

Rolling them around on the bed, Scott pushed himself up on his elbows, hovering over Tessa. He smiled at her, playing with her hair. “You know that this is it, there is no coming back from this, not ever.” She just nodded and pulled him down to her, joining their lips again. Her lips slid down the curve of his neck, finding the spot right where his shoulder met his neck, nipping at the tender skin, before latching onto the skin itself and sucking harder by the second. She wanted to mark him as hers, and surprisingly enough, Scott had always been against hickey and shit like this, but with Tessa? He would let he mark him for the rest of his life.

A moan resonated in the room, and it took a moment to Scott to realize that it was his voice, that he was the one moaning at the simple act of getting his neck kissed. He lowered his body to Tessa’s, pressing his hips on hers and smiling when her legs automatically opened for him to fit there. He pressed a little bit harder and nipped at her neck when she groaned, pushing back against him. She was already writhing under him and he wanted to bring her so much more pleasure. He focused back on his lips and moved them up and down her neck, nipping sharply her the spot right behind her ear, pleased to her her high pitched keen. He had always known how sensitive that spot was for her. His tongue slipped out and he licked up the side of her neck, following the strongest veins there. He pushed the strap of her tank top down her shoulder and let his lips wander the skin there, connecting the freckles together with his tongue. He was feeling every reaction of hers, every shivers, every sudden movement at a particularly sensitive spot and he wanted to learn more. He was feeling like it was the only facet of Tessa he didn’t know.

He pushed himself up and took off his shirt, feeling comfortable with her. He didn’t want to lose time later to remove his clothes because he knew that the moment he would get her naked, he wouldn’t care about anything else but her and her pleasure. He stayed on his knees, between her legs and looked at her. Tessa was pouting, lounging there completely vulnerable to him but feeling okay with this, after all it was Scott Moir. She reached out for his hand and as soon as she took hold of it, she dragged it down to the hem of her tank top and pulled it up, demonstrating what she wanted him to do. Scott, the pleaser that he was, followed the order and soon, Scott was hovering a very topless Tessa Virtue, and he couldn’t stop looking. He had seen Tessa in different level of undressed but never quite like this. She smiled and blushed, knowing how important it was for her to let him see her. She normally would cover herself or literally keep her shirt on while having sex. Her boobs had been her biggest insecurities regarding her body, and letting Scott watch her, seeing the love and awe in those hazel eyes made her feel like the goddess she was not.

She moved her hand and let her fingers dance up and down her stomach, enticing Scott to touch her instead of just looking. She moved her foot and nudged his elbow, cutting his trance off. He bent down and kissed her collarbones, sending shiver down her spine. Lips slid down until her reached one of her nipple, tugging on it. She moaned and tugged on his hair with the hand that had travelled up to his head, keeping there. She arched her back, pushing her breast closer to his mouth. She had known he would be good with his mouth, he had a crazy obsession of always moving his mouth in order to attract the attention to his lips and damn if she didn’t want to kiss them at the time.

“Scott, more” squeaked out Tessa, pressing his head down. She wanted to feel him everywhere. She needed to fill him everywhere. Scott got the instruction as always and moved down, not without moving his hands up to her chest, he molded his hands to her boobs, finally making his teen dream come true. “You have no idea how those have haunted me” She giggled and pulled him up to press her lips against his. She had missed kissing him, how was she already this addicted to it?

Scott moved down and before she could really think about what was going on, her leggings and underwear were off. Apparently Scott wanted to move further down that road and she was totally ok with this. She moved her arms up, stretching her body for him, legs slightly bend and open for him to see her entirely. When he didn’t move, she drew one of her hand closer to her and started playing with herself, moaning at her own touch. She was pulling on her nipple, making them stiffen, she was rolling the other one between her thumb and index, groaning and moaning at the sensation running through her body. If she could make herself this good, she wasn’t sure she would survive Scott’s touch. Scott finally moved and bent down to lick up the line separating her abs, tugging on her belly button piercing. He had wanted to do that since she got it at the age of sixteen, and he had a boner every day for the following week. He remembered how he had to call for water break every twenty minutes to calm down a little bit before going back to skating fir her and feeling that tiny silver ball every time his hands had to run around her belly.

He played around her abs, letting his tongue run up and down, left and right feeling the bumps of her abs, nipping at the skin of her hips and pressing the tip of his tongue around her naval piercing. She was panting above him, begging him to do something, to let her come, to make her come, to do more. She wasn’t really sure what she was saying, but she knew that she needed him to keep going. She was sure he could make her come just like this, but she wanted more. She wanted him inside of her for their first time. They would have time for the rest later, much, much later. Scott moved up, licking his path without biting down on her nipple and slid into his spot on her neck, he licked her ear and bit down on the lobe, tugging on it before whispering, raspy voice and all. “you will let me taste you.” All she could do was moan and nod, arms falling off to the side of her body, hands clenching around the sheets. She was already so worked up and Scott had only touched her boobs and abs. She realized in that moment that she would not survive this, but what a way to go out.

He moved down again, peppering kisses on her skin, nipping at her hip bone. Her hips jerked up and he laughed quietly. “Someone seemed responsive.” Scott murmured while running the tip of his fingers down her thighs, pushing them further open. “Just shut up and kiss me, Scott.” She had never been turned on by talkative people, even less so when it was dirty talking, but bring Scott Moir into the equation and she was a goner. She wanted him to keep talking, about anything and everything. She just wanted to hear his raspy voice, the one filled with want and need for her. He moved his forearm to pressed down on her hips, holding her to the bed, his second hand free to roam for now. He pressed more kissed down her left thigh, coming back up on his right. He was playing her and she was dripping. Never in her entire life had she been this wet before even being touched. She could feel her core throb, her clit was hurting demanding attention. She was really close to say fuck it and do it herself but that thought flew out of her mind as soon as Scott latched his lips to the fat of her thigh and sucked, hard.

She called out his name, trashing from side to side. Damn him for discovering that spot right away, she wanted him to keep sucking on it but she also wanted him to move north a bit. She could feel his breathe on her folds and she whimpers. “Scott, please.” She moved her legs out of her way and Scott gladly moved placing his shoulder under her thighs and without any other thought leaned it and licked — not even tentatively — up her folds, grazing her clit. She moaned louder than she had ever moaned. She jerked up, pushing up against the arm holding her down. “Scott, Scott, Scott, please. Just keep going.” She was panting, whimpering and moaning non-verbal words. She felt him up lick around her clit, up and down her folds. She pressed herself harder on his mouth. She was already feeling her climax approaching, and she found herself wanted it to come faster and not coming at all. She liked where she was right now, being loved by the love of her life. He pressed the tip of his tongue inside her, running it around her entrance, her core clenching around nothing. Whimpering she closed her fist on his hair and tugged hard. His hair were back to the perfect length for that, and she would take advantage of that later.

Scott moved his mouth up and just before closing his lips around her clitoris to suck it in, he murmured. “Come, Tessa. Come for me.” The sensation of her clit being sucked on, his fingers pushing inside her, his other hand squeezing her hip and the echo of his words pushed her over the edge, and Tessa Virtue came, and came, and came for the man that was currently eating her out. Tessa must have blacked out from the power of her orgasm, white was the only thing she could see and she was feeling liked she was flying. Slowly, she started to get her sensation back and the first thing she noticed was lips running up and down her shoulder and the arm around her waist. She opened her eyes and was met with the pair of eyes she had spent twenty years staring at. “Hey you.” Scott laughed and fell back on his back, holding his chest and she followed suit, laughing with him.

She lied down, head on his shoulder and let herself bask in the post-coital bliss she was currently feeling. She turned her head and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “I love you, and thank you for this.” She moved up at the same time he moved down and their lips found the others, letting their tongues enter the battle. “Thank you, for trusting me with this, T.” murmured Scott against her lips and she moved forward, draping her body over his. She pull her knees up and pushed on his chest, sitting on his lap. “Can I undress you, Scott?” Her fingers were roaming his chest, using her fingernails to scratch and mark him with red marks. Scott could only nod and Tessa jumped off him and pulled his sweatpants and boxer-brief off, tossing them behind her before climbing back on his lap, slightly lower than she was minutes ago.

Tessa looked him in the eyes. She wanted to see his face when her fingers would curl around his cock, holding him. She knew he would be worked up and might be finish too fast for their liking if she did anything else right now and as much as she wanted to play with him, she wanted him to come inside her. She held him in her hand, unmoving and holding still. Their breathing, and surprisingly their heartbeat were in synchronization. She could feel his pulse beat in the fat veins going up his cock, at the same rhythm than hers and she giggle at the thought. Always together, always connected. She just needed to connect them in the only way they had never been connected before.

Scott reached out to the nightstand, where his wallet was to grab a condom she thought but she stopped him and grabbed both his hands in hers. “I trust you, Scott. It’s you and me, only. Together.” Scott surged up and devoured her mouth, lips, tongue and teeth were involved in this kiss. She pressed herself harder against him, trusting him to keep her safe. She shimmied up and moaned when their cores touched. She was expected to feel overwhelmed but she never prepared herself to feel this much too big sense of home and rightness rolling over her, over them. Their eyes connected and with a nod, Tessa pushed herself up on her knees and Scott aligned himself with her entrance, and with a sweet smile, Tessa lowered herself on him. Hands on shoulders for her, around her waist for him, they started to move in a dance older than most. Their forehead found each other, eyes connected through it all. Tessa had never held eye contact in any sexual relations she had in the past, judging it to be too vulnerable, too scary, but with Scott, she couldn’t look away. They had found their rhythm as effortlessly as on the ice, and in no time at all, the both of them were moaning, and pulling the other in, trying to get closer always and forever. Scott leaned closer, slotting his head in her neck, holding her to him and she slowed down her movement to match the enormous emotional wave that was passing them, and just like this, Tessa and Scott had finally sealed their soul, body and heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the people who have read, left kudos and commented on this. Reading your reactions have been such a gift to me. I will see you on my next post, sooner rather than later. The next one shot is halfway done. 
> 
> as always, kudos and comments keep my heart warm and my mind motivated. 
> 
> If you have any prompts, you would like me to write, just let me know in a comment.


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